


Wet Blanket

by Elli0t



Category: Homestuck
Genre: FTM Dave, Halloween, Haunted Houses, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Pining, Trans Character, Trans Dave, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-04-23 18:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4886599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elli0t/pseuds/Elli0t
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While working for a haunted house, John encounters a really cute boy. He also encounters the first person he's scared badly enough to make them piss their pants. He feels so bad, he ends up giving him a ride home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I wanted to mention that there is pants wetting in this fic, but not in a sexual way, which is why I didn't tag it that way. Just a heads up.

By now, the fatigue is officially set in. You've been working for 5 hours, standing in the same room.

Signing up for this haunted house was an awesome idea but geez are you tired. Your dad had suggested it to you, saying it was a good way to earn some money after your summer internship at the coffee shop. The thin ragged lab coat hanging off your body doesn't provide much warmth against the 45 degree weather. You take advantage of what little alone time you have and rub your arms up and down, trying to warm up. 

If your estimation is right, it's about midnight by now. The last customers should be scurrying through your room and then you can finally go home. 

The white wig is starting to itch, and your fingertips have turned dark from rubbing the black makeup decorating your eyes. 

You resist the urge to drum your fingers against the row of lockers you're hiding behind. Usually someone will have come through by now. Maybe there's a hold up in the line. You're about to break a rule and pull your phone out when you hear the creaking of the floor in the other room, someone to scare!

They're hesitant, like most other people, and take their time coming around the corner. It sounds like a group of three, the standard.

One girl says to another, 'that wasn't so bad', and you take that as your cue.

You slam your fist on the lockers, and yell, 'Care for a checkup??' 

The two girls rush out of the room as fast as they can, but the third person is frozen in fear. You move closer to get him out of the room, and that's when you get a good look at him.

He's staring at you, stiff from head to toe. His blonde hair is blinding in the strobe light, but you only see your own reflection in his pair of mirrored sunglasses. Uh, wow. You can't break character, but you want to so badly. This stranger has an air about him, and he is kind of adorable when he's petrified in fear. 

Stopping for a moment, you look him up and down. If you didn't know any better, you might say he was...

Holy shit, your first whizzer! 

A stain of liquid is traveling quite rapidly down this young man's thigh. He looks down at himself in disbelief and runs away before you can say anything else. 

Despite how proud you are of this incredible feat, you can't help but feel a little bad as you return back to your hiding spot. The urge to chase after him is so strong you can feel your heart trying to leap out of your chest. If it weren't for those dumb security cameras...

A creak from the next room over and you prepare another bang. The footsteps confidently stride into your room. That's different.

Just as a woman's voice starts speaking, you slam against the lockers and say your line. 

With a laugh, she speaks again, "It's just me John. That was your last one of the night, go get washed up and remember to check out." 

Oh. "Thanks Cindy!" Maybe you can catch up with that boy outside!

You hurry through one of the emergency exits, ripping off your wig and lab coat, exchanging them for a heavy sweatshirt. The line for check out is too long so you figure you can just do it later. 1

Scanning the fairground for that pair of sunglasses, you wonder if he's still here. Tonight your station was in the middle of the house, so you have a good chance. 

You maneuver through the crowd of your co-workers and go over to the entrance of the parking lot. The cold wind still bites into your body as you wish people a good night and a 'Happy Halloween!'

Finally, after five minutes of waiting, you spot the boy you're looking for. He speed walks over to a nearby tree and leans against it, pulling out his phone. 

You realize he doesn't know you're watching him the same moment he realizes there's no way he's going to get a signal out here.

He lets out a frustrated groan and you take it as a cue to walk over.

"Hey, something wrong?" He doesn't see you at first, but when he does, he goes stiff again.

"Oops! I forgot I still have my makeup on. Don't worry, I won't hurt you." He eases up at your words but still doesn't make eye contact. 

"I don't have any signal out here, so I can't call my dickhole brother to come pick me up." 

"So you need a ride? Where do you live?" then you realize what you've just said, "Uh, if that's not too creepy."

He doesn't say anything for a short while, but when he tells you his address, it's not even that far from where you live!

"Um, are you sure you want to give me a ride? I'll mess up your car, because, you know."

"Oh my god, I am so sorry about that. It's the first time anyone has ever peed because of me!" Even if you are genuinely sorry, it's still an exciting thing that happened.

"Please, say it louder so that everyone knows."

You cover your mouth in embarrassment, "Sorry!"

"I guess now that we've passed the stage of bodily fluids, you might as well know my name. I'm Dave."

Dave, you hope you'll be hearing that name a lot in the future.

"Hi Dave, I'm John. And don't worry. I have a blanket you can sit on." 

"...Okay. Not to be pushy but can we get going? I'm freezing." You notice his thin long sleeve and start a mental check list.

"Follow me."

You head over to your car in the parking lot and unlock it, tossing Dave the keys. 

"I'll be right back, I still need to check out." You turn around, walking a few steps before turning back to the other boy. You shrug off your sweatshirt and throw it to him without a word. He probably needs it more than you anyway. 

* * *

Once you make it back from checkout, the car window's are slightly fogged up with heat. The warmth washes over you as you open the car door and hop in. Dave is in the passenger seat, curled up in your sweatshirt and on top of the blanket that had been in the back seat.

"Ready to go?"

He nods, so you start the car up and pull out of the parking lot. Dave seems content to stare out the window, but you can't resist turning on some music to clear the air. ['Cosmic Girl' by Jamiroquai](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-NvQ6VJYtE) fills the two door with arguably more tension than was in it before. But you can't bring yourself to turn off the music right after turning it on. 

The boy next to you doesn't seem to mind, or at least he doesn't show it. If you didn't know any better you might say there's a slight smile creeping up his face.

For a happy medium, you turn the music down, "Uh, what do you like to do?" 

"One of my favorite interests is _not_ pissing my pants in public. Not getting rides from strangers while having wet pants is also another one of my niche hobbies."

You laugh heartily, "Are you always this funny?"

"You tell me, Cosmic Girl."

"It's a good song!"

"Yeah sure, can I browse your library and dig up some other dusty gems?"

The ride home is still another twenty minutes so you hand him your phone.

"The Ghostbusters Theme Song?" he asks with a disbelieving tone. 

You flush. "That's a good song too!"

He hums in response, going back to your iTunes library.

Without another word, ['American Boy' by Estelle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6rfv5Pb6R4) replaces the silence.

Fuck it, you're probably never gonna see this guy again; you start signing along with the song. Going along to the beat on the steering wheel, you start getting really into it. The roads look pretty empty this late as night...

Against your better judgement, you swerve the car the the beat, something you've only seen done before in movies. 

Dave clenches the door handle and laughs, "Bro, chill."

You take his advice and 'chill'. The car goes back into the designated lane and the last verse fades away.

He unplugs the aux cord from your phone and into his. A few seconds of fumbling later and a song you've never heard before travels through your speakers. 

"['Hold On' by Rusko](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI2b7qXUlnE), one of my favorites." The electronic music makes you want to do something crazy. However, it also reminds you that you hardly know Dave, like at all. So instead, you listen to the music without saying a word, enjoying the buzz it puts under your skin.

As soon as that one fades, something sorta like country starts playing. Oh no, he's not one of...

But then it changes, it's some sort of weird electronic country thing. You turn to Dave, wanting to ask him what it's called, but he's answering before you even open your mouth. 

"['Down the Road' by C2C](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1uUIJPD0Nk). I would put it in my top ten list," he says. 

You nod in understanding, attempting to place it visually in your mind. What would a music video to this song even sound like?

The common theme seems to be listening to the songs in silence, letting the words wash over, and hoping the meanings stick. 

By now, you're closing in on Dave's house. You would venture to guess that it's about one song away.

"Hey, put your phone on shuffle, and play the first song that comes up, no skipping."

He stares at you for a moment before he fiddles with his phone. 

There's nothing playing yet but Dave lets out a groan.

"Can I get one skip?"

"How bad is it?"

"Taylor Swift."

"What?? Taylor Swift is awesome, play it!"

"...Fine."

['Wildest Dreams' by Taylor Swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdneKLhsWOQ) fills the too hot car, and you instantly recognize it. 

Isn't it funny how almost every song is relatable to the current situation you're in?

Well, here you are. Sitting in a car with a stranger, a hot stranger at that. And you can't help but picture Dave's face as Taylor sings. This was just supposed to be a good deed, because you're a good kid who gives rides to people who need them. 

You'd love to see Dave again.

You'd love to memorize how his voice sounds.

You'd love to see Dave curled up in your sheets. 

You'd love to pretend this was more than something out of courtesy. 

Uuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhh. Emotions are dumb. 

You ask Dave for clarification on his address even though you have it committed to memory. 

The car pulls into his driveway just as Taylor is finishing her last verse.

One wistful glance to Dave before unlocking the car.

Two blinks before he unbuckles his seatbelt.

Three heartbeats as he thanks you.

Four nervous taps on the steering wheel as you assure him it was no trouble.

Five fingers running through your hair as he climbs out. 

Six raindrops hit your windshield before he slams the door. 

Seven steps for him to reach the front of his house.

Eight seconds of fumbling for his keys.

Nine blinks before you back out of the driveway.

Ten half-minutes until you're sitting in your own driveway, wondering if you'll ever see him again. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A figure is leaning up against a tree, hood pulled over its head. A sense of deja vu washes over you. Oh my god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be done before Halloween but you know how life is. I'm not gonna worry to much about it since the fact that it happens around Halloween isn't really that big of a deal?
> 
> Also, this was only supposed to be 2 chapters but welp. Three chapters it is.

Tonight wears you to the bone. Last night didn't offer much sleep and all this sitting and waiting for customers has you dozing off more than you would like to admit.

The end of the night is slower than usual due to the violent rainfall hitting the roof. If forced to guess, you'd say it's been raining for over an hour.

You're slumping in your chair for the fifth time, when the lights of salvation force your eyes open. Actually, that's just Ben turning on the house lights, but they basically mean the same thing. Lights on; time to go home.

You grab your water bottle and head towards the exit.

The rain is coming down pretty heavy by now. Ugh. Okay let's do this.

You dash to the bathroom where all the costumes are kept, savoring the dry air once you arrive. All your coworkers are smushed into the small space, attempting to sign out before heading out back into the downpour.

After hanging up your ripped flannel shirt, you grab an extra cookie off the food table. All the extras are free game, so why not?

Thunder starts the roll across the sky in rich booms. Better get going pretty soon if you want to get home safely.

With a cookie shoved into your pocket, you brave the horrible weather and start rushing to your car.

You're nearing the parking lot when you hear a voice call into the dark.

"John?" The tone is reluctant and unsure; you turn towards it.

A figure is leaning up against a tree, hood pulled over its head. A sense of deja vu washes over you. Oh my god.

"Dave?" What in the world is he doing here? You step closer.

"Yeah, what's up?" His nonchalance strikes you as odd.

"You're soaked! What are you doing here?" His- actually, you realize, your sweatshirt, is waterlogged, hanging off his body like a wet towel.

"I...had this to return to you, and I left something in your car."

"Oh that compression tank top?" You hadn't been able to figure out exactly what that tanktop was for this morning; Dave is a pretty skinny guy in the first place. You found it wedged between the car door and the seat. Already late for work, it slipped past your mind.

"Yeah... compression top," he says, fidgeting with his sleeves.

It suddenly dawns upon you that you're still standing in the middle of a thunderstorm like a fucking idiot.

"Oh! Let's go to my car where it's dry." You start walking towards the parking lot, and when you look back to make sure that Dave is following, you notice a slight smirk playing on his lips.

Once the car in unlocked, you pull the recently washed blanket from the backseat and set it down for Dave again. He climbs in while you situate back into the driver's seat. The sound of the storm muffles after you close the door, and you're thankful that you remembered to roll up the windows before you started working tonight.

Not a moment passes before Dave is rambling; something about how he didn't know how to get the sweatshirt back to you so this just seemed like the best idea and he hopes that you're not mad at him. Before he can get too much further, you stop him.

"Dave?"

He stops talking to breathe in.

"Yeah?"

"Take off that sweatshirt. You're dumb, and it's soaked."

He sputters at that. As if you've just grown wings.

"No thanks, I'm perfectly fine the way I am."

"You must be freezing!"

"Well I'm not," he says, crossing his arms like an upset toddler.

You sigh in exasperation. What is up with this guy?

"Fine," you begin stripping off your own top layer, handing it to Dave. "Wear this instead."

He takes the sweatshirt in his hand, not moving for a few moments. Finally, he starts taking it off, giving you a scandalized look when he notices you watching him. Woah, okay fine. You won't look. It's not even like he's naked under the sweatshirt. He's got on at least two other layers.

Whatever, guy's gotta do his thing.

Once Dave is settled in his new attire, you begin to wonder out loud.  

"So uh, did you only come all the way out here to return that?" you gesture to the article of clothing that had been flung into the back seat. It's kinda out of the way. If it were you, you might have just chalked it up as reparations for making him piss yourself.

"I felt bad keeping it, and I also forgot my b- compression thing."

"Right!" You lean over and start fishing in the glove compartment. You know you put it some... there!

The second you hold the top up, Dave snatches it from your hands and hides it under his legs. Why was he being so defensive about this?

Wait, how did Dave even get out here?

"Do you have a ride home?"

"No, I came here with my sister and her girlfriend, but they left when it started raining."

"Oh, no problem. I can totally bring you home." Driving him home meant more time with him and more time with Dave meant??? Who knows.

"You don't have to do that." He avoids looking at you, instead choosing to focus on his hands.

Please god let him let you drive him home.

"It's no big deal, don't worry about it. We're practically neighbors." You laugh, hoping to calm his nerves and convince him that _really_ it's fine.

"...Fine okay," he nods.

You start up the car and throw a smile to the passenger seat. Your gaze is met with a shy smile from Dave.

Okay, everything's fine. You're going to drive this cute boy home and get his number and hopefully drive him home a whole bunch of times in the future! And maybe you can even hang out with him? And maybe watch movies and he'll burrow into your chest and-

"John?"

"Huh?" You snap back to reality.

Dave points to the dashboard. "Your brake is still on, nerd."

Wow, are you stupid. "Ah!" You quickly release the brake and continue backing out, trying to pay attention this time.

* * *

The storm hasn't let up by the time you pull into Dave's driveway. In contrast, your car is so warm that you found yourself almost dozing off due to how comfortable and tired you felt. Your passenger has succumb to the warmth as well; his head is lulled towards you, moving slightly with the car.

Before you can stop yourself, you begin imagining what it would be like to run your fingers through his soft hair, to cup his cheek in your hand, to kiss him gently awake.

Nope! No more of that. Bad idea all around.

Instead, you shake Dave's shoulder slightly. He hums as he lifts his head up and rubs his eyes open.

What wouldn't you give to witness that every morning? God, you're so fucking gay.

"We're here," you say, wishing that you didn't have to. Wishing that you could just scoop Dave up in your arms and carry him home, need be.

He nods and unbuckles his seatbelt before opening the door and climbing out.

Dave has an obvious slump to the way he walks; dammit, you should've offered to walk him to the door. What kind of gentleman are you?

From a young age, your dad told you that you need to always wait for the lady to get inside before you leave. Dave isn't a lady, but you like to think that manners are gender neutral.

He fumbles with the doorknob for a few seconds before searching all his pockets. Uh oh, he's walking back to your car.

Dave opens the door and plops back down into the seat, slightly more damp and greatly more distressed.

"I lost my key, and Bro is at work until the morning," he sighs.

Oh my god.

"What about your sister?" Even if you want him to come over to your house, you still hardly know this guy!

"She lives across town with her girlfriend. Tbh, she's probably munching some muff right now; no use calling her."

Oh.

"Want to come crash at my house tonight? It'll beat waiting out in the rain. I could even make some hot cocoa if you want?"

Wow that was really forward. Uuuugh, you totally blew it.

He's hesitant with his answer. "Would your folks be okay with that?"

God is real.

"Oh, my dad’s on a business trip anyway! We could watch movies as loud as we wanted." You'd rather do something in addition to watching movies but... hey! You have self control. You can totally do this!

"Hm, okay."

“Cool!” You pull out, mentally cursing yourself for sounding too enthusiastic. But, oh my god the cute boy is coming over to your house??????? You haven’t even done the dishes from last night’s dinner?????????????? Fuck???????????

"It might be a little messy, heads up."

"Anything’s better than sitting outside in this storm,” he says, smiling.

**Okay, maybe this will actually work out!**  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I'll kick my ass in gear and get the final chapter up before December. Feel free to punch me in the face if not.


	3. Chapter 3

When you pull into your driveway, the steering wheel has sweat on it and your entire body is growing hot due to how fast your pulse is beating.

You’d almost forgotten what it was like to feel like this.

Dave is near silent, following you to the front door and mimicking the motion of you taking your shoes off.

The house blows a blast of warm air towards you, lowering your lids once again. Maybe a movie marathon wasn’t the best idea.

The unwashed dishes in the sink taunt you as you go around turning on the lights.

“Hey, you can wait here,“ you say, pointing to the loveseat. “I’ll be right back!”

The house is such a mess? There’s two plates and glasses in the sink! You haven’t cleaned the litter box since last night!! You left your schoolwork on the coffee table!!!

Dave is probably disgusted by you. He’s curled up in the love seat, drowning in the sweatshirt you made him borrow. His eyes are scanning your house, and amusement plays on his lips. When he notices you watching him, his grin widens.

“I thought you said it’d be messy.”

“Are you kidding me??? This is horrific!!” You throw your hands in the air for dramatic effect, mystified at how Dave doesn’t think this pigsty is ‘messy’.

“Whatever you say, man.”

You huff and stomp over to the sink, rinsing off the dishes before placing them into the dishwasher. You haven’t seen your cat, Kappa, in a few days; she’s probably on an adventure in someone else’s yard, so you figure the litter box can wait. The schoolwork is scooped up and you head upstairs to grab some clothes for your houseguest.

Slipping into a pair of pajama pants and a T-shirt, you grab similar items for Dave. The T-shirt was the hardest to find; he’s so much smaller than you.

When you head back down to the living room, you toss the outfit at Dave and are greeted with a yelp of surprise. The laughter that fills the space is loud and full.

He stands up, glaring at you half-seriously.

“Bathroom’s second door on your left,” you offer.

“Thaaaaaaankss Joooooohhnn,” Dave deadpans, going up the stairs without glancing back.

You’re left with only your mind to converse with. Things have been going… surprisingly well! No one has completely embarrassed themselves or almost died yet! In fact, you might even say that you’re beginning to get chummy with Dave. If things keep going the way they have been, you might even be able to hang out with him a bunch more times!

A couple minutes later, Dave shouts from the top of the staircase. “Hey, can I borrow one of your sweaters?”

Hell yeah he can.

“Yeah, sure,” you reply. “My bedroom is the door across from the bathroom. Feel free to take whatever.”

You’re sorting through the movies you want to watch when Dave silently plods down the carpeted staircase, effectively scaring you to bits when he taps you on the shoulder. The blush arises on your face for a different reason when you see the sweater that Dave picked out. It’s one you don’t wear much, one with a small nosebleed stain on the left sleeve, one that drapes off his frame so nicely that you want to die, one that showcases his pair of perfectly kissable collarbones and it’s really not even fair.

Dave tugs at the bottom of the sweater like a dress, twisting from side to side. “How do I look?” he sweetly snarks.

“Oh, simply _ravishing_ ,” you say back, screaming internally.

“Pffft, good,” he says, settling down on the far left side of the loveseat. “What’s the deal with this movie marathon I’ve heard about?”

You pull out _elf_ (2003) from your stack and hold it up for all the living room to see.

“Dude, it’s not even Halloween yet.”

“Christmas is year-round! It’s Christmas right now.”

Dave covers his face with his hand and laughs. “So you’re one of _those_.”

You puff out your chest proudly. “Why yes, I am!”

“Whatever dork, just get up here.”

You obey, setting up the movie and sitting on the far right side of the loveseat. Dave doesn’t seem to think it’s weird that you’re sharing the same couch, so things are looking up for you! Despite his earlier protests, by the ten minute mark, he is watching intently; making cute micro-expressions in reaction to the film. His eyebrows furrow when Buddy finds out he’s not an elf, his mouth twitches when Walter opens the gift from his son. You don’t even know what’s happening when Dave laughs out loud and scoots ever so slightly closer to you.

Interesting. But, it’s probably just because he trusts you? Yeah, that’s it.

One more scoot, another laugh; an unmistakeable move to the right. He’s… doing this on purpose?

Um,

Your knees are touching by the end of _elf_. It’s hard not to notice the tiny shivers that quake down his legs.

You stand up, resisting the urge to use Dave’s knee to assist you. The upstairs closet has blankets in it, and you head up there after sliding _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ into the DVD player. When you come back down, Dave is rubbing his arms up and down to conserve heat and your curse yourself for thinking it’s cute.

Unceremoniously, you drop the blanket above his head and laugh when he shouts in surprise. You’re not laughing anymore when Dave drapes it over the both of you, leaning his head on your shoulder.

_Pleaseletthisbegaypleaseletthisbegaypleaseletthisbegay._

You’ve never been in this situation with another straight guy before so… Whenever you watched movies with Sollux and Eridan, they always sat on the other side of the couch or even another couch entirely. You don’t want to get your hopes up but??? There’s no way this isn’t gay.

No no nononono. With that mindset, you could get in trouble. Dave’s build might not look very sturdy but, that doesn’t mean anything. He could still probably kick the shit out of you.

The other boy yawns and covers his mouth with a hand swamped in your sweater. You _really_ don’t need this right now.

A few hours and some mini naps later, you’re laying down with a semi-conscious Dave on your chest. His chilled hands rest on the sliver of exposed skin on your stomach.  How the hell do you even wind up in these situations?

But it’s really comfortable and you could probably die like this and be happy. The temptation to rest your hand on his back is overwhelming. You’re just digging yourself deeper into your grave at this point. But, he smells really nice and his weight on top of you is so strangely familiar. You pray that Dave can’t hear how fast your heart is beating.

Your hand travels up his back and- you’re gonna do it. You’re gonna fucKING DO IT.

The hand runs itself through Dave’s hair and wow that is most likely the softest thing you have ever touched in your entire life. Going back and forth in small circles, you let your hand do as it pleases. It freezes when Dave shifts closer in his sleep. False alarm, his breathing is soft and deep.

The third movies ends and welp, you can’t really bear to get up now. Instead, you simply grab the remote from the floor and switch the T.V. off, kissing the top of Dave’s head. One content sigh, and you’re out like a light.

* * *

A cold sensation runs along your arm; your body feels light. Why did you fall asleep on the cou…?

Where is Dave?

You rub the sleep from your eyes and hastily put on your glasses. Weird, you don’t remember taking those off last night.

You look around and take a deep breath. He left without a word.

 _Exhale_. Oh well.

Running your fingers through your bedhead, you plod over to the kitchen. Eggs sound pretty good right now. Maybe you should spike your orange juice? Nah, that’d only make things worse.

You set aside two eggs, enough for one person, and mentally curse yourself. Was it something you did? Surely you were too forward with him. You invited him over after only knowing him for like a day! And then you practically forced him to sit on the same couch as you. He was just tired and unsuspecting when you ran your fingers through his hair. It’s not like he wanted to spend the night at your house. He almost had no choice in the matter whatsoever. You’re a horrible person.

“UGHHHH!!!!!” you shout to no one in particular.

“That bad, huh?”

You whip around, and Dave is standing there??? He’s, even better looking in the morning light shining through the window. His defined cheekbones are so nice to look at. He has wider hips than most guys you know but it doesn’t look wrong on him? Like, that’s how his body is meant to be. It’s marvelous. And. He’s still here!!!!!

“Uh, haha. You’re still here,” You rub the back of your neck.

He walks closer to you, leaning his hips against the counter. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, I dunno. I just thought…”

And suddenly this encounter feels like one of the very few one night stands you’ve had before; despite the fact that all you did was kiss the top of his head. But rather than being disappointed and annoyed that he’s still here, you’re relieved.

Life is strange.

Dave saunters over. “What’s cooking good look-”, his words falter. “Oh, oh my god. Sorry, It’s a force of habit. My brother always says that to me.”

Before you can stop yourself, the words are tumbling out of your mouth. “You’re really beautiful.”

A fermata hangs over the silence in the room. Your face is heating up, you now regret your enTIRE LIFE YOU DONE FUCKED UP SO BAD OH MY GODDDDDD. It’s time to move out of the country. Time to run out of your house with nothing but the clothes on your back. You’ll live in Jade’s house if she’ll take you. Hopefully you have time to-

With a smile in his voice, Dave replies, “Thanks.”

Oh?? Okay. Okay. False alarm? You figure the best course of action is to begin the eggs so that you have a distraction and can ignore how AWFUL that was.

The first egg is in your hand, about to be cracked precisely over the counter when you feel a presence coming up behind you.  Something soft and wet presses against your cheek just as you lose concentration and smash the egg into the counter.

There is egg yolk everywhere, but especially on your hand.

“Oh my fucking god, are you okay?????”

You can’t speak. Please just let God strike you down at this very moment.

“John?”

You cover your face with your hands, and wind up with egg on your cheeks and eyelids. This is such a mess. Standing there for a moment, you feel Dave tugging on your hands. He lowers them from your face and kisses your forehead.

* * *

 

_Six months later._

 

“Hey EGGbert!”

“Fight me, Dave!!!!” You say, squeezing your boyfriend's hand in what you think is a menacing manner, but he just smiles and kisses your forehead. 


End file.
